First of all I want to say hi to all the girls who have had naughty thoughts after reading the title.
That said, last night I went to the cinema.
Now, the most reactive of you might say: why should I give a shit about it? You guys have a point. The thing is that yesterday one was not just a movie, but at Sydney’s Imax: the biggest screen in the world.
For those of you who have brought their first big screen tv for some sort of compensation to all the years of watching movies on a tiny, black and white screen, surely will understand the reason of this post .
First things first.
Yesterday was rainy and cold, no particular plans scheduled, but it was my spanish roommate’s last day in Australia. Flipping through the guide of the attractions in Sydney, I see the movie ad. Then my jaw fell when I read “the world ‘s biggest screen”. Perfect . $30 each . Fuck me!. Let’s go.
Four train stops to Town Hall and a ten minute walk, take us exactly in Darling Harbour, beautiful in the evening, where you can’t not to see the beautiful facade of the cinema.
I get the ticket and the cashier informs me, apologizing, that the film will begin a quarter of an hour late. For the courtesy of informing me about it, I even thought: no worries, take your time. To make you better understand my surprise about this simple “service communication”, I tell you a story. Every Italian sooner or later has to face the reality: being late for the movie that is supposed to begin at a certain time. To deal with this you start rushing into the car like if your thirteen year old daughter was giving birth on the back seat, to arrive on time at the beginning of the projection which, inevitably, begins half an hour late after several local spots that nobody gives a fuck.
In the meantime, we’re all lined up waiting for getting in. While I’m waiting, I put my skate guards on my elbows and knees, to be ready to rush to the my seat as soon as they open the “gates ” . This is something I will never understand: aren’t the seats numbered? Anyway…
Instead, nothing happens.
Indeed, in a moment of artistic inspiration (I was staring at the nothing) , I forgot to move forward in the queue, leaving two feet in front of me. It is at this point that the unthinkable happens: a person asks me, apologizing, if I was in the queue. You can understand my astonishment seeing that he didn’t pass me like I was invisible and, even more surprising, he didn’t pretend to have arrived two hours before me.
Slowly we move forward, while security cameras catch how ridiculous I am walking carrying an umbrella, a giant coke, family box popcorns, my ticket and 3D glasses. I probably looked like a shelf.
Once in the room, I saw the screen.
Add one litre of saliva to all the items listed above.
I hold back a “how big it is!” , Thus avoiding going like the most repressed fag in Sydney, instead commenting with a very British: mmm, not bad .
Actually, the screen is huge. And when I say huge, I mean that to see the whole scene you have to turn your head a little around. Even if you’re in the top row.
The seats are made in a different way than usual cinema. In fact they are higher than the row in front, so that even if the guy in front of you is Shaquille O’Neil , you can watch the movie without seeing it through his dandruff. I put the 3D glasses on and, of course, I take a really good picture of me.
A single trailer and the film starts. After twenty seconds I thought I was seeing a 3D movie for the first time.
You are more into the movie, than Mandingo in one of those teens.
I enjoy the movie missing out half of the sentences, but at the end of the day I got the plot. After all it was Harry Potter…
Interesting fact: I can’t note that nobody talks during the whole fucking movie. All the pathetic episodes seen so many times in Italy, here were not repeated. I am talking about:
- People who commented loud on the film as if they were naked in their own room during a movie after failing the embrace
- People who forget the phone on with the “Please , do not go” ringtone.
- People who respond to that cell phone during the movie.
- People turning pissed off because you said to another to shut up! ( the Schrödinger’s cat paradox is nothing compared).
- People who show up in the room with a basket of fried chicken wings. Made at home.
- People who continue to suck from the straw even after half an hour that the drink is finished (Freudians, step forward) .
- People who make several sounds, like what happens on the screen was really happening to themselves.
None of these happened here. This is something that even without the big screen would be appreciated.
I left the movie with the impression that everything was smaller.
Going home we stopped at the Star Bar on George St, ready to pay the usual eight dollars for a beer, but we found out, with pleasure, that the happy hour is on and, therefore, everything is half priced. Awesome.
Too bad for having looked in the wallet after we returned, but that’s okay, tomorrow my roommate leaves.
Maybe for a few days, I can watch some free porn on my teeny tidy black and white screen.
This post is also available in: Italian